I'm Thankful.
Thankful for Moody Bible Institute and all that the school stands for. It is an honor to be a student at such a highly regarded and prestigious training ground for ministry. The professors stand out for their personal academic achievements, deep care for each individual student, and knowledge of God's Word applied in personal daily devotion to Him. I count it nothing less than a privilege to learn from and be discipled by such individuals. I'm also thankful for the intentional christian life that Moody fosters for each student to be challenged, have opportunity to grow, and experience real life ministry in. These things I've found in the location of the school being in downtown Chicago and the Practical Christian Ministry (PCM) each student is required to do in various existing ministries around the city. This is one of the values I highly respect and appreciate about Moody. Not only are students studying for their future ministry involvement but the books are met with the experience gained from their current volunteer hours.
Serving by tutoring refugee students once a week with World Relief for my own PCM, was a highlight and a great challenge for me personally. The little girl from Afghanistan, Muskan, whom I mostly worked with, was a source of joy to my heart. I was blessed to build relationship with her and speak the name of Jesus to her for the first time. Trying to communicate was difficult at times as she spoke very little English at first. I'm no English teacher but I learned a great deal about communication through body language and facial expressions. These things speak very powerfully in relationship. I pray that this precious child comes to know Jesus and His great love for her one day. Although we didn't get much of a chance to share in words who Jesus is, I learned how to love a little girl whose world is completely foreign to me and take advantage of the small moments the name of Jesus could be spoken into it.
I'm Grieved.
Grieved for the brokenness that lingers and the depraved people that walk the streets of Chicago. Grieved mostly for the brokenness exposed in my own life as I lived and walked the same streets. It was a lonely year for me as God walked me through a dark place in my own soul. One painted black with shame and covered up with fear. It's like when you are a small child afraid of the dark that lingers at the bottom of the basement staircase. You stand at the top, afraid to go down, until Daddy hits the light switch and puts you on his shoulders to carry you down to go play. Jesus turned on the light at the top of the staircase of my soul and with every step down we took, it wasn't as scary or as black anymore. He brought light into my life and is walking me through the shame and the fear that has hindered me from living fully as a child of the light.
The biggest thing that I've learned about myself is how little I know about myself. How I've tried to be everything that everyone else wants me to be and in the midst of trying to match up to everyone else's expectations, have lost who I truly am- simply me. The truth is though, that you can never be everything to everyone and so my identity became my shame. And shame is a funny thing in this way- you associate your being as bad, as opposed to your actions which actually have the potential of being bad. So I aimed to be perfect but always fell short of the expectations that surrounded me and everything less than perfect that I did became a personal attack on who I was. The more I come to realize the hurt and shame that I function from, the more my heart is grieved and longs for redemption and the ability to walk in the true knowledge and confidence of who our God is and my true identity in Him. For now, I'm grateful for each step forward this year has brought me and God's faithfulness to sanctify me as I go from here.
I'm Blessed.
Blessed to have made such a close friend in my roommate, Hannah. From the late nights we stayed up talking, to the endless hours of Facebook stalking, the attempt at ice skating to the many successful coffee shop finds, the evening walks to Ghirardelli for a free piece of chocolate, to having our own Yahtzee championship, Hannah has been an incredible friend, encouragement, support and joy to me. I've never met a young lady who has a deeper heart of compassion or a greater gift of empathy. She is wise beyond her years, listens with gentleness, questions with kindness, and images our Creator in beauty, depth, and pure love in relationship. The most obvious highlight to my experience at Moody that will always shine bright in my memory is Hannah and the friendship we share.
I was blessed also to have had a mentor, Julianne, who faithfully met with me once a week for almost all of my first year. Julianne, in her gentle and expressive spirit, taught me so much in the way she listened so carefully and remembered the things that I shared. She affirmed every bit of who I am and every week encouraged me in her words, smile, and hugs. I was humbled that she chose to learn from the things I said even when I felt much more like I was the one learning so much from her. Julianne is incredibly intuitive, powerfully self-aware, generous, and so understanding in the way she listens, speaks, and carries herself. I will always be blessed by the way the Lord touched my spirit through my relationship with Julianne.
I'm Hopeful.
Hopeful that next year at Moody I'll get to know more professors and learn infinitely more in my diligent studies. Hopeful that my new PCM will become a community of people I can trust and an opportunity to make a positive difference in the lives of students on campus. Hopeful that I will continue to leave fear and shame behind and walk confidently forward in who I am in Christ. Hopeful that the friendships I've been blessed with will only continue to grow and be strengthened. And finally, hopeful that in all of these things, my Lord has unfathomable purpose and an incredible plan.
The biggest thing that I've learned about myself is how little I know about myself. How I've tried to be everything that everyone else wants me to be and in the midst of trying to match up to everyone else's expectations, have lost who I truly am- simply me. The truth is though, that you can never be everything to everyone and so my identity became my shame. And shame is a funny thing in this way- you associate your being as bad, as opposed to your actions which actually have the potential of being bad. So I aimed to be perfect but always fell short of the expectations that surrounded me and everything less than perfect that I did became a personal attack on who I was. The more I come to realize the hurt and shame that I function from, the more my heart is grieved and longs for redemption and the ability to walk in the true knowledge and confidence of who our God is and my true identity in Him. For now, I'm grateful for each step forward this year has brought me and God's faithfulness to sanctify me as I go from here.
I'm Blessed.
Blessed to have made such a close friend in my roommate, Hannah. From the late nights we stayed up talking, to the endless hours of Facebook stalking, the attempt at ice skating to the many successful coffee shop finds, the evening walks to Ghirardelli for a free piece of chocolate, to having our own Yahtzee championship, Hannah has been an incredible friend, encouragement, support and joy to me. I've never met a young lady who has a deeper heart of compassion or a greater gift of empathy. She is wise beyond her years, listens with gentleness, questions with kindness, and images our Creator in beauty, depth, and pure love in relationship. The most obvious highlight to my experience at Moody that will always shine bright in my memory is Hannah and the friendship we share.
I was blessed also to have had a mentor, Julianne, who faithfully met with me once a week for almost all of my first year. Julianne, in her gentle and expressive spirit, taught me so much in the way she listened so carefully and remembered the things that I shared. She affirmed every bit of who I am and every week encouraged me in her words, smile, and hugs. I was humbled that she chose to learn from the things I said even when I felt much more like I was the one learning so much from her. Julianne is incredibly intuitive, powerfully self-aware, generous, and so understanding in the way she listens, speaks, and carries herself. I will always be blessed by the way the Lord touched my spirit through my relationship with Julianne.
I'm Hopeful.
Hopeful that next year at Moody I'll get to know more professors and learn infinitely more in my diligent studies. Hopeful that my new PCM will become a community of people I can trust and an opportunity to make a positive difference in the lives of students on campus. Hopeful that I will continue to leave fear and shame behind and walk confidently forward in who I am in Christ. Hopeful that the friendships I've been blessed with will only continue to grow and be strengthened. And finally, hopeful that in all of these things, my Lord has unfathomable purpose and an incredible plan.
